Thoughts on mothering....

Well, it is quite possible that I am the most lazy blogger ever. It has been so long since I have made any sort of update...but with Baby Dickinson's arrival upon us I thought I would make an entry.

We pre-registered at the hospital yesterday so whenever Baby D does decide to arrive we are all set and good to go. We had a wonderful hour visit with the nurses. It totally made me miss my mom and reminded me of why she loved nursing so much! Life is all about relationships and how wonderful it is to have the opportunity to build them at every turn along the journey. It really put my mind at ease and assured me that we are in good hands!

Shawn and I have been visiting a lot lately that much like we remember all the excitement about our wedding....it's so easy to get caught up in the event and while all the preparations are wonderful and necessary...the reality is, that all this little person will truly need in the beginning is little more than our love and care. We certainly feel prepared in all the tangible and practical ways and don't want to miss out on preparing our hearts (I don't even know if this is possible....from what many friends have shared.) for the life-changing experience that will be upon us so quickly. I already feel abundantly blessed to be embarking on this journey of motherhood. My own mother wrote in one of our baby books that "there was just nothing in her life that compared to mothering." With that sentiment in mind I share the next excerpt from a book that I've been going back to the last few days....this is much more for my own heart's reminder than anyone else, but perhaps it will bless someone else along this journey as well!

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). This verse is not a promise about faith. It is not speaking of training a child to follow Christ or promising that if you do, the grown child will continue to follow him. Sorry. The proverb is about raising a child to know who he is and to guide him in becoming ever more himself. In the way he should go. Not in the way you would like him to go in order to validate you as a mother and a woman. It speaks of teaching a child to live from his heart, attuned to it, awake to it, aware of it, and when that child is grown he will continue to live a life from the heart. It is about seeing who a person really is and calling him out to be that person. The impact on a life that has been seen and called out is dramatic and eternal. The nurturing of life is a high and holy calling. And as a woman, it is yours. Yes, it takes many shapes and has a myriad of faces. Yes, men are called to this as well. But uniquely and deeply, this calling makes up part of the very fiber of a woman's soul--the calling to mother." 

Although I am sure that I tested this in every fiber of my mom's being and that this call to foster my child to be who God designed them to be, not who I would like them to be will be among the most challenging things I live out, I believe it will be completely worth it. I believe if I could visit with my own mom today that she would say "It had cost her to love, had cost her much to mother. It always does. But she would tell you that it's worth it, that there is no other way." --Captivating  

In much the same way that God is designing this little person inside of me to be unique, I am praying for the ability and humility to "mother" in my unique identity. To not be concerned with "everybody else's" ideas of how I should do this and do that but to dive deep within my own heart and be authentic in all the ways that God has designed me. I welcome the insight and love of all the amazing women who have assisted in mothering me along the journey, but I too know that this journey is my own. That it will bring with it many wonderful experiences, and many trials but today in this moment I feel ready to accept the challenge. 

To my sweet little one, I am your mother, and your encourager. I hope to call you to the most thrilling and full life that God has planned for you. I will not be the only one who "mothers" you, but we will share a bond unique to only us. I love you.  -Mom

A change is a brewin'....

The last couple of months have been filled with the quiet anticipation that you get when you know that something in your life is about to change, you just can't put your finger right on it. Sometimes the change is a relationship, a career, an overall shift in life direction, a change in your drink order at Sonic or in our instance the change is that little fluttering feeling I've been getting in my tummy. The funny little reminder that something is happening but it's hard to describe.

In light of this change Shawn and I were having a conversation last night about relaxing. For whatever reason, actually I know the reason---I have a hard time "just being." If I reflect long enough I know that this stem's from my mother's mother's mother (does that make sense?) So, I come from a long line of women who are "do-ers." Such a great quality to have. However, that being said I could count on one hand the times I ever saw my mom sit down and read a magazine, be seated at the table long enough to share a full cup of coffee with someone (although my mom didn't drink coffee...) you get the point, or sit down and watch a movie from beginning to end. The women in my life didn't relax, until the work was done...and to be honest when you are trying to love people well and put others ahead of yourself, the work is rarely done.

All that being said, my husband does have a good point. I'm re-reading a book by Donald Miller. In it he says " you get a feeling when you look back at your life that all God really wants from us is to live inside a body that he made and enjoy the story he wrote and bond with us through the experience." I know too that God asks us to "be still and know that he is God," to recognize that there is no true resting until we rest in Him.

So in these few short months that remain before our next big "change," I'm hoping to find a balance of resting and reflecting, and also preparing. I recognize already that this little life that is growing inside of me, is not really about me at all. It is my privilege and my responsibility, however it is my hope that with all the loving investment that Shawn and I will make into this life that he or she will go on "resting, reflecting and preparing for the life God intends them to have."

I know this will be easier said than done many times, but that is what grace is for.

Overjoyed

Well, I know it is true that so many people before us have walked this exciting journey of having a baby. But it is also true what they say, "that no one can tell you what it's going to be like until you have experienced it for yourself."

To begin with I must say, it has been a wonderful little secret to keep with my husband and be the only two people who knew there has been a little life being created inside of me. This has been a sweet time.

But it is also so wonderful to share our news and get to enjoy the excitement of so many of our family and friends. I must say thank you already for your shared joy and enthusiasm. There is just nothing like it. We are blessed beyond measure already.

For years, I have enjoyed reading the blogs and updates of so many great friends as they have shared their stories of pregnancy and having babies. I look forward to sharing our story as well.

On the car ride home I shared with Shawn that in some ways the announcement to my family was bittersweet without the physical presence of my mom. And he said, " you know Meg, I bet your mom and the baby have already met." And as I have reflected this morning, I do believe God in his infinite wisdom and power, the One who knit this little person within me, could certainly have shared his or her presence with my mom. My faith is not so small as to believe that she couldn't know. I do wish she were here to ask so many questions of and to share so many stories, worries, thoughts, and dreams with, however; I do sense her presence many times and know that she would be thrilled to be a grandma.

In the meantime, until I see my mom again, I will take much delight in sharing these thoughts and questions with the amazing women that are in my life! Truly...to the ones who have prayed with me for this little persons arrival, to the ones who celebrated with us in our reveal, to those I haven't seen in too long that have still helped to shape me into the person I am. To our aunts, grandmas, sisters, and cousins, I want to thank-you for your outpouring of love and all the stories, advice, wisdom and insight that is to come. Yeah for our friendships!

If you actually chose to read this, bless you. Know that we already feel fortunate to be entrusted with such an amazing responsibility. We do not take it lightly, but do look forward to sharing our blessing with so many of you in hopes that one day this "little seed we've planted will stretch it's branches out and bless someone."

I will end with the ever popular verses from Psalm 139, but how beautiful and appropriate they seem.

¹³ "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God! How vast is the sum of them! ¹⁸ Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you."

The Sun is beginning to shine......

I have a student in one of my classes whom regardless of the weather each day, when asked about it, he always responds "The sun is beginning to shine and a rainbow is coming out!"...in his adorable 4 year-old voice. Initially I was a little concerned, "does this kid really see a rainbow?...everyday?" And then that oh so quiet voice that intervenes when we're on the wrong track popped up and said,

"Meg...if only your perspective was more like his." So I am trying to embrace this perspective and live each day believing that even when I feel discouraged, or am sad or confused that the Sun/Son, will certainly shine again, and the promise that God gave to Noah through the Rainbow is still a promise for me/us today.

I am actually sitting in my warm living room, listening to the rain and thinking about how grateful I am for so many things. My students and I were talking about Thanksgiving today and I was reminded that it is oh, the simple things that I take for granted. Tonight I am thankful for my home, my husband, my family and so many friends...young and old.

I also must mention, because I am a giant sucker for a bargain that I got 2 sweatshirts, 3 skirts, 2 brand new dresses, 1 coat, a pair of shorts, 1 pair of jeans, and a distressed shelf for $9 at a rummage sale! Yes, you can say it. I am awesome and I love a stinkin' deal.

This post was somewhat inspired because I looked at Shawn's blog and was going to get after him for not posting on it in a month, and then I looked at the last time I posted...oops!

Anyway...happy ponderings. Meg

Time flies!

Well, it is hard to believe that this milestone is already upon us...my baby brother is going to college! I got to spend a couple of days at home this week, in part helping Shane get ready to head to Butler County on Monday where he will begin his Automotive Tech. program. I'm very excited for him to jump into this next season. As I recall for myself, college can be such a defining time for a person. My hope for Shane is that he will embrace the experience as much as possible, grow, stretch and learn as much as possible and have fun building relationships with new friends.

While I was home I also got to build fence with my dad...okay, he built I just assisted with tools:) None the less, I was reminded by our time together how much I appreciate the values and roots that him and my mom instilled in me. As Shawn and I look to raising our own family, I hope that we too, can raise children of substance, who value and appreciate those who came before them and the wisdom that they have to impart.

As the summer seems to be slipping away, I am a bit sad that days of reading and relaxing are coming to a quick end, but with school about to begin, it also means that the fall is drawing close....football games, the crispness air, apple cinnamon muffins, harvest. I look forward to this next school year and all that it will bring.

I am praying for a fresh perspective, the ability to prioritize what's most important, a peaceful spirit and a wealth of beautiful friendships nurtured and cherished.

Congratulations are in order!

I just wanted to quickly post that I am so proud of my husband. He got an article published today on the Burnside Writer's Collective. He is working hard to get into the discipline of writing everyday and as one who struggles to be disciplined....I'm very proud of his hard work! Take a moment and read his article and please share it with your friends.

Below is the link:

http://burnsidewriters.com/2011/07/21/looking-for-the-next-frontier/

Happy Reading! Meg

A Year in Review....

I have been sitting here at my computer for the last...check time....yes the last hour, replying to messages and reading the "year in review" of many friends. Thinking to myself the whole time, what on earth would I say to recap 2010. As I have reflected on this last year...and there is so much to share, I find myself convicted that the only appropriate thing to say is: THANK YOU.

Thank You: to my husband, who has not abandoned me in the midst of some pretty dark and hard days, who has waded with me in the deep only to come out on the other side.

Thank You: to my dad, who has laid out his heart in grief over the loss of my mom. Who has shared his tears and his memories so candidly with me. Who has given me permission to just be.

Thank You: to my siblings, who without even knowing it have given me a glimpse of the beauty that lies in motherhood. The beauty of caring at a raw heart-level for another person. To wish with all that I have that I could take away your hurts and simply wrap my arms around you.

Thank You: to our families on both sides who have strengthened and encouraged us. Giving of their time and heart to grieve alongside of us, reflect and laugh. Sharing with us meals, birthdays, special events and activities that have helped us traverse this unknown territory of life without mom.

Thank You: to our friends. You know who you are! So many of you who have shared with us meals, conversations, text messages (when I needed encouragement most), prayers, cups of coffee and friendship. 2010 would have been unbearable without you!

Thank You: to the community of Sacred Heart in Ottawa. You have blessed me so many ways in 2010. Your encouragement and support will not be forgotten in a lifetime.

Thank You: to our communities both here in and around Ottawa and Madison both. Your outpouring of love through prayers, thoughts, tangible expressions and conversations has so many times left me humbled and speechless.

To my heavenly Father, I am Thankful for My Mother: Mom, your heart beat wildly for your family and all those who God laid on your heart. I cannot in words describe the impact you left on my heart or the void you have left in our lives. My hope lies in the truth that all of this is going to be worth it when we embrace again. I love you mom.